IF I hadn't thought of it...

Every so often I have a run in with what I would call a "Yahoo"....a stranger in the world that seems to be seriously annoyed @ life and takes it out on anyone who is in their way. My husband always seems to be able to be the bigger person in situations where he is wronged but I however, sometimes have a hard time. I tend to get sarcastic and make sure the rude person knows just exactly how I feel. Of course in a passive aggressive non confrontational way. In any case, today I had a very rude lady while she was texting & driving almost run into me. I was taking my turn @ a four way stop and I had to slam on my brakes because here she came also. I went ahead with a smile on my face waved her to go on, even though it was MY turn & she about hit me. Instead of mouthing "OH! I'M SO SORRY!" Like I would have done (which of course means it's the right thing to do if it's what I would have done... ha ha) She instead glared at me and mouthed a word that rhythms with "itch". It's stuff like that, that just gets my feather's all ruffled! All sorts of angry thoughts went through my head as I was driving off but then the first few lines of the poem "IF" popped into my head. It totally helped...because IF I hadn't thought of it I would of spent more time being angry than necessary. I had a fabulous day @ the pool with friends & kids so why would I let some obviously clueless and unhappy person ruin it?

If...
Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Seeing Albuquerque through new eyes

I had an absolutely great time taking my dear friend Kristine & her two precious daughters to my home town, Albuquerque this past week. Showing her where I was raised was like seeing it though new eyes. She got to meet my sweet Granny who I adore, my somewhat flirty granddad who was all about Kristine teasing him back, she got to see the Sandia mountains, she even agreed to ride the world's longest tram that is practically in my parents back yard, heights really are not her thing but she had no problem facing her fear! We ate @ my favorite restaurants, I showed her my high school, told her endless stories of my youth etc. etc.

She embraced all of it even the heights of the tram ride! Well, not all of it! Not the bull snake on my parents driveway, that I would have happily caught if it hadn't been so stinken fast! Other than that she was so supportive, so much fun, she took it all in (except for the snakes) asked questions and truly seemed to enjoy the experience. I love living in Oklahoma but I am not from here and Albuquerque will always be a part of me. I loved being able to share it with someone who had never been there before. My oldest son refers to us as New Mokies and I think that is pretty accurate. We love where we are from but have come to love where we are now.

There are many highlights of our trip that I will remember forever and continually think of fondly & with lots of laughter. Kristine and I had so much girlie fun, the kind of fun I haven't done in who knows how long. She asked me to do her hair & make-up!!! We went shopping, we ate fabulous food, but I think my favorite & most touching part of the trip was taking flowers to my brothers grave with her. She didn't know Jason but she gets how much he meant to me. Kristine jumped in to clean his head stone without hesitation. She poured water on his head stone and cleaned the grass clipping from it with her hands. It was so sweet and meant so much to me. She could of just stood back, she could of stayed in the car, she could of chose to not particpate but instead out of love and with a sincere heart she was right there by my side. I am so glad I decided to include her in my trip home and that she enthusiastically came...it made it very, very special & a trip home I will never forget!

Friends would have said, "NO that's NOT Normal!"

I've been trying to write something about friendship for the last few days. The funny thing is I keep getting interrupted by texts, phone calls or visits from my caring friends. Which has been such a blessing! I have been going through a very personal rough time and my close friends have been there every step of the way for me. Sometimes not even knowing all the details, just knowing I needed a friend.

It hasn't always been like that though. I've always considered myself a loyal friend, I still keep in touch with many friends from my childhood, youth, & college years. However, there was about a 10 year period in my life that all I thought I needed or should have was Greg, Josh, Jer and Julia. We lived in a small town and I had left my other friends behind & found it difficult to make

new strong friendships. I found "surface" friends but no deep lasting lifetime type friends. So, I focused ALL my attention on just my kids and husband. Which in itself is not a bad thing but in the process Teresa the friend got lost. Thankfully, God has placed some amazing women back in my life, that over time I have bonded deeply with and slowly the friend in me has been found again. My friends are truly inspiring, entertaining, talented, loving and devoted people. These are the gals that actually get my humor, they laugh at my jokes, they encourage me, they build me up. The tease me about my quirks, yet except them as just a part of me. These are the girls that I would do just about anything for and I know they would for me also. They would drop everything to help in a crisis and they have. Some I talk to every single day, some I may not for awhile but I know that they are there.

Maybe someday when we are old ladies we'll start an old lady club together but one that isn't as tacky as that red hat/purple dress club! I hope my friends know what they mean to me. I hope they understand that I truly do value each one as an individual. They are all different in the personality department.

This is one reason I love them all...how boring if all of them acted just like I did or just like each other. They bring so much joy, wisdom & laughter to my life!. I survived those years that I didn't have any good close girlfriends but I think they could have been easier if I had had a friend to ask the difficult questions too. "My nipples are STILL bleeding & I'm in unbearable pain after 3 months of nursing! Is that normal?" That's probably TMI but those are just exactly the questions a good girlfriend will answer without hesitation! I look so forward to growing closer to each of my good friends and I also believe that God has probably more wonderful friends to add to my life when the time is right. I think this quote sums up just exactly what I am trying to say.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

Oh...and by the way, turns out, NO! That is NOT normal after three monthes of breast feeding!

Not so little anymore!

Having to accept that my children are growing up is hard! I miss them being little, cute, innocent and NOT IN PUBERTY! Josh is almost 16 and by all accounts pretty much a man, Jeremiah is 12 and the changes are happening to him fast & furiously! Thankfully, Julia isn't there yet....but it's coming, she is 10.

Jeremiah who is in Albuquerque with my parents sent me a text today that said "Mom, I just shaved my mustache by myself & it didn't turn out so good." Ok...so for one I did know he had a little fur on his upper lip but I had told him when he was ready daddy would help him and show him how to shave like he had done with Josh, but I didn't think that meant NOW. Secondly, what does "It didn't turn out so good" mean anyway? Did he cut his lip and now he's bleeding profusely? Apparently no, he was just being silly and thinks his upper lip now looks paler than the rest of his face. WOW!

Hormones, mood swings, etc...etc...is something I hope I'm handling well as a mom but sometimes I wonder. Accepting my oldest, Josh drive off with his friends, girls, getting a job and all that other stuff that comes with growing up is sometimes more than this mom can take. It's what we do as mom's though, we adjust and we are there for them even if there needs change. Remembering Josh curled up in my lap while I read him his favorite book when he was little is a memory I will cherish forever, Hmmmm.... I wonder if I found that book, "The Giant Jam Sandwich" if he would indulge me and let me read it to him? Maybe I could sit on his lap instead! He's a sweet kid so I know he would endure my silly mommy moment but I will refrain. I will though, continue to hug, & kiss all of them, even if they duck away from my hugs & kisses at times. I will continue to tell them I love them & I'm here for them NO MATTER WHAT. Those moments that they don't duck & they confide in me or tell me what an awesome mom I am...those are moments I have to cherish now!

Spellbound

I decided with some encouragement to start a blog...however I really don't have a lot to say today on my very first blog entry. Therefore, I decided to start my blog with one of my all time favorite poems by one of my all time favorite authors.

I used to pretend as a kid I was either Emily or Charlotte Bronte...riding my horse on the mesa of the north east heights of Albuquerque pretending it was an English Moor...sometimes the cactus would harshly bring me back to reality! I have a feeling my blog will contain a lot of poetry...maybe even some of my own. I don't know if I have the guts for that though! We shall see! In any case this poem has a lot of meaning to me. I was a child who struggled with memorizing anything but I believe I have had this memorized since the sixth grade. I have recited this poem repeatedly in my head during many of life's storms. To me this poem is not about weather but about "weathering" what God knows you are cabable of dealing with when you don't know it yourself.

Spellbound

by Emily Jane Bronte

The night is darkening round me,

The wild winds coldly blow;

But a tyrant spell has bound me

And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending

Their bare boughs weighed with snow.

And the storm is fast descending,

And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,

Wastes beyond wastes below;

But nothing drear can move me;

I will not, cannot go.