On Saturday the 25th of July, will be the 8th anniversary of my brother Jason’s death. I write this for my own benefit and for those that have asked me, and I have yet to give a good answer. This is from my memory and from what I was told; I was 10 hours away @ the time of Jason’s death. Getting to Albuquerque, planning his funeral and the days that follow are somewhat a blur to me.
When people ask me how Jason died I have yet to come up with a short quick answer. To me there is so much more to it. I’ve never written about that day but I feel it is time and to set the record straight for those that might not know.
Jason was working for BSNF Railway as a conductor/switchman @ the time of his death. He was doing well and in his free time had started reading Irish literature and also the new Harry Potter series. He was talking about moving out of my parent’s house to a place of his own. He had a new car and a new Celtic cross tattoo on his arm and he had a bright future ahead.
The first Harry Potter movie was due out in November and when we were visiting in early July he made me promise that I would not take the kids to see it until we came to Albu for Thanksgiving. He wanted to see it with them. He must have reminded me of that @ least 5 times while we were there. He was very excited about it just like he got excited about a lot of things that most 23 year olds might be to “cool” to be excited about. That is the same visit we went to see the new Star Wars movie and when leaving the theater , for my 7 year old son’s benefit Jason (like only he could do) ran through the parking lot pretending he had a light saber. He then went home and spent an entire day in my dad’s work shop craving, painting and creating two wooden light sabers for Josh and himself. They were deadly because they were so heavy and I ruled that they could only be looked at and not used on each other!
When we were ready to come back home to Oklahoma we borrowed his Harry Potter book on cd to listen to on our drive home. He hadn’t finished it yet and he probably would have preferred not letting us take it since he listened to it during his long drive to work in Belen. I promised I’d mail it back to him as soon as we got back home. I kissed him on his check which was odd for me to do to him. Even though we were close I hadn’t kissed him since we were kids. I told him I loved him; he laughed @ my mushiness and said “Ditto” back to me.
Over the next couple of weeks he’d call and ask when I was going to send his Harry Potter cd’s back…I kept forgetting. On Tuesday July 24th he was off of work and he called me AGAIN reminding me to send them back. He was in a very good mood and planning on going out with friends that night…bowling, karaoke, perhaps a party.
The next morning I woke up very early because of a very strange dream I had…I won’t go into the details of it because I honestly feel it was Jason telling me goodbye & it’s very personal. I felt uneasy all day and I called him through out the day…Jason ALWAYS answered my phone calls, even if he was asleep he answered my calls.
Before I go on…let me tell you what I know about the night of July 24th leading up to the early morning hours of July 25th. He went out, went bowling and Karaoke. I believe he also went to a friend’s party. He made plans to have lunch with a girl the next day. He arrived home around 4:30 am. We know this because my granny was awake & lives on the acre behind my parent’s house. She saw Jason pull in the garage around that time. She also saw another vehicle pull in behind Jason in the drive way. She then went down stairs to the kitchen to make her coffee when she heard what she thought sounded like a gunshot. She dicided she wasn’t sure and went back to doing what she was doing.
My parents had been out of town and they arrived home around 8:30 pm that evening. They walked into the house and saw Jason sitting up on the couch looking as if he was sleeping. My mom walked over to him and felt him and realized he was gone…then she saw the blood and a gun on the floor. Jason had a movie in the DVD player, there were TWO wine glasses on the coffee table and wine in the frig.
The police, with very little to any investigating ruled it a suicide immediately. I don’t know exactly what happened that night but I will never be able to say Jason committed suicide. The gun that was found by him only had one bullet & Jason very well could have pulled that trigger. He had been drinking and he had been known to do some pretty crazy stuff when he was intoxicated but I believe with all my heart he did not mean to end his life that night. He would never purposely hurt my parents in that way. He loved his nephews and niece and would never want to cause that kind of pain.
We don’t have the answers and we probably never will. Even if we did it would still not bring the funny, sensitive, spiritual young man we knew back. God gives us free will, and I do believe that night no matter if Jason had a momentarily lapse in judgment that cost him his life or if someone else took it from him….God wept along side of him and then carried him home in his loving arms.
I think the best way to honor Jason on this anniversary is to love your loved ones, be it your siblings, parents and even close friends. Let go of grudges, forgive the little grievances you may have, life can be lost in a blink of an eye. Kiss them on the check and tell them you love them!
When people ask me how Jason died I have yet to come up with a short quick answer. To me there is so much more to it. I’ve never written about that day but I feel it is time and to set the record straight for those that might not know.
Jason was working for BSNF Railway as a conductor/switchman @ the time of his death. He was doing well and in his free time had started reading Irish literature and also the new Harry Potter series. He was talking about moving out of my parent’s house to a place of his own. He had a new car and a new Celtic cross tattoo on his arm and he had a bright future ahead.
The first Harry Potter movie was due out in November and when we were visiting in early July he made me promise that I would not take the kids to see it until we came to Albu for Thanksgiving. He wanted to see it with them. He must have reminded me of that @ least 5 times while we were there. He was very excited about it just like he got excited about a lot of things that most 23 year olds might be to “cool” to be excited about. That is the same visit we went to see the new Star Wars movie and when leaving the theater , for my 7 year old son’s benefit Jason (like only he could do) ran through the parking lot pretending he had a light saber. He then went home and spent an entire day in my dad’s work shop craving, painting and creating two wooden light sabers for Josh and himself. They were deadly because they were so heavy and I ruled that they could only be looked at and not used on each other!
When we were ready to come back home to Oklahoma we borrowed his Harry Potter book on cd to listen to on our drive home. He hadn’t finished it yet and he probably would have preferred not letting us take it since he listened to it during his long drive to work in Belen. I promised I’d mail it back to him as soon as we got back home. I kissed him on his check which was odd for me to do to him. Even though we were close I hadn’t kissed him since we were kids. I told him I loved him; he laughed @ my mushiness and said “Ditto” back to me.
Over the next couple of weeks he’d call and ask when I was going to send his Harry Potter cd’s back…I kept forgetting. On Tuesday July 24th he was off of work and he called me AGAIN reminding me to send them back. He was in a very good mood and planning on going out with friends that night…bowling, karaoke, perhaps a party.
The next morning I woke up very early because of a very strange dream I had…I won’t go into the details of it because I honestly feel it was Jason telling me goodbye & it’s very personal. I felt uneasy all day and I called him through out the day…Jason ALWAYS answered my phone calls, even if he was asleep he answered my calls.
Before I go on…let me tell you what I know about the night of July 24th leading up to the early morning hours of July 25th. He went out, went bowling and Karaoke. I believe he also went to a friend’s party. He made plans to have lunch with a girl the next day. He arrived home around 4:30 am. We know this because my granny was awake & lives on the acre behind my parent’s house. She saw Jason pull in the garage around that time. She also saw another vehicle pull in behind Jason in the drive way. She then went down stairs to the kitchen to make her coffee when she heard what she thought sounded like a gunshot. She dicided she wasn’t sure and went back to doing what she was doing.
My parents had been out of town and they arrived home around 8:30 pm that evening. They walked into the house and saw Jason sitting up on the couch looking as if he was sleeping. My mom walked over to him and felt him and realized he was gone…then she saw the blood and a gun on the floor. Jason had a movie in the DVD player, there were TWO wine glasses on the coffee table and wine in the frig.
The police, with very little to any investigating ruled it a suicide immediately. I don’t know exactly what happened that night but I will never be able to say Jason committed suicide. The gun that was found by him only had one bullet & Jason very well could have pulled that trigger. He had been drinking and he had been known to do some pretty crazy stuff when he was intoxicated but I believe with all my heart he did not mean to end his life that night. He would never purposely hurt my parents in that way. He loved his nephews and niece and would never want to cause that kind of pain.
We don’t have the answers and we probably never will. Even if we did it would still not bring the funny, sensitive, spiritual young man we knew back. God gives us free will, and I do believe that night no matter if Jason had a momentarily lapse in judgment that cost him his life or if someone else took it from him….God wept along side of him and then carried him home in his loving arms.
I think the best way to honor Jason on this anniversary is to love your loved ones, be it your siblings, parents and even close friends. Let go of grudges, forgive the little grievances you may have, life can be lost in a blink of an eye. Kiss them on the check and tell them you love them!
